United Kingdom and the Netherlands!!!!

I looked on my blog today and it was so so awesome to see that we had readers from the United Kingdom and the Netherlands! That is awesome! I have never been to either place and as a matter of fact I need to Google just to see where the Netherlands is located!!!! Welcome friends and PLEASE... don't base your opinion of other Americans on what you read on my blog. They are so much lamer!!!!! I'm just joking :) Kind of...

Windy Night!

I love the wind! Well at least most of the time. I do hate picking up our shutters from the front yard or the neighbors every time the wind blows. It does get a bit old but obviously we aren't too sick of it or we would secure them good enough so we wouldn't have to go out there every time. When we were little, I remember my sister and I closing off all the doors in the hallway and turning the swamp cooler on full blast. We would sit in the dark with the cooler blowing really hard pretending that we were in a tornado! It was great until we really were in one and then it wasn't so fun! I think that is why I love when the wind blows so hard because I don't fear the tornado's like we did when we lived in Georgia. Now I just fear Earthquakes here. I change my plan about every month of what door frame would be the best to stand under if and when it happens. I'm hoping I am outside when it happens. Maybe jumping on the trampoline.... wow that would be a trip! I have been in one of those too! My sister, my brothers and I went and sat down next to the fridge when the house began to shake. Not too bright on our part. I'm thinking maybe we didn't have one of those FHE lessons to teach us what to do in case of an earthquake because that could have been the worst place to be. My sister was tending so I am blaming it on her!!!

I sure didn't like the wind a couple weeks ago and the reason why is below. I like it tonight and I am going to go open my window wide open and get under my blankets and just listen. My husband will think I am nuts but he probably already does. Besides he is busy watching a basketball game so I am going to go have fun! I can't wait!!!

#1 Never go major grocery shopping when it is 438 degrees below zero and you are in the middle of what feels like a tornado ... remember you have to load and unload fifty million bags and my fingers are so cold they are ready to break off.

#2 While loading the bags in your car under such conditions as mentioned above, never put your head in an open trunk!!! The force of the wind slams the trunk down onto your neck like a GUILLOTINE and it HURTS REALLY BAD!!!!!

#3 When you feel like crying cause you just got your head chopped off and your nose is running like a faucet and the pain of the freezing cold is so bad that you threw the cases of Coke on top of your (already way too over priced Grandma Sycamore bread) don't forget to close your trunk! People will honk at you when they are behind you and then you will whisper naughty things under your breath, thinking they want you to hurry up, when really they are trying to help you not lose the bottle of Downey that it just took (me) 20 minutes to pick because they have so many new scents!

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Breaking News!!!! D Will calls chubby mama a MINORITY!!

Could this be true? Am I really a minority.... Boo Hoo Deron. I wonder if you would say those words now! I can hardly wait to write about my fun, face to face meeting with Mr. Too cool.

As for now my head hurts and I am going to go to sleep. But tomorrow after work I will return........

Night, night !

How can Alaska be so cold if it's right next to Hawaii?

Dear Mr. Map Maker,

This is one of those Hmmm questions that I have floating around in my head. Searching out the ? of what is the reason behind this?

I realize that I don't always keep up on all the world events but something tells me that I would have heard about it if ...(because of global warming or shifting of the earth) Alaska lost it's grip on Canada and floated all the way down South to the end of California. While making great use of my time during a training I was attending, I popped open a coloring book and began to color a map when to my surprise, I noticed that Alaska was no longer where I believed it to be. Could my eyes have deceived me, was it always down by Hawaii? Has Hawaii always been where I thought Mexico was? Oh, I'm so darn confused! I finally came to the conclusion that the MAP MAN, either doesn't know how to make good use of a full piece of paper or he has never taken Geography. Was I exposed to such nonsense as a child? Did I pass it on to my children? It makes me wonder how many times this major oversite kept me from being on the high honor roll just because of one question in Geography. J/K we all know you have to show up to school to be on any kind of roll period! Where is Alaska? I'm truly sorry Mr. Langeveldt,(my Jr. High Geography teacher) for some stupid reason, I thought that it was up North above Canada. I cringe to think what might have happened if Christopher Columbus had set sail and lost his way, never to return because his map said there should be a huge piece of land straight ahead called Alaska. The thought of young teens "catching a wave" from Hawaii to "hang" on the Alaskan beach to do some "rad surfing" but were never able to find it. I can hear them now... "dude, I swear it should be right here, I saw it on a map at school while I was in 3 to 6. What would become of these people I ask you?

Joking aside, I saw a map "like" this one the other day while at work. It made me laugh when a few people were trying to decide where Alaska really was located. they knew it wasn't there but weren't sure where. At what point, as a child did I really know that Alaska wasn't where it shows here?

Sarah Palin would be so disappointed in us!

Green Icecream, Buzz and Loud Snoring!

Sleepover at Grandma Jenny's and PaPa Wades!

February 18th, 2011

ITEMS NEEDED FOR A GOOD TIME ARE ...

JACK JACE

2 Pizza Hut pizza's (Ham and Pineapple for us, "The Works" for Papa Wade)

Green Icecream @ Jacks request

Rootbeer & Vanilla Icecream for Rootbeer Floats!

Orange slices and Fruit Rollups

Last but not least, lots of sheets and blankets!!!!

To BUILD OUR TENTS WITH!

THEN WE PLAYED HUNGRY, HUNGRY HIPPO ...

WE WATCHED MICKEY MOUSE'S PLAYHOUSE

BUT PA PA WADE WOULD NOT BE QUIET (shh papa wade!)

PAPA WADE FEEL ASLEEP WAY BEFORE US, HE SNORED SO LOUD WE COULDN'T

GET TO SLEEP SO PAMA JENNY KICKED HIM OUT OF OUR CAMPOUT!

Jack, Jace an Pama Jenny ( Ooh yea, Cooper too!)

@ 12:30 THE FIRST LITTLE MAN THE OTHER LITTLE GUY HELD GAVE UP AND SLEPT. OUT UNTIL 1:38 A.M.

MORNING CAME ABRUPTLY @ 7:30 WITH BUZZ LIGHTYEAR SCREAMING IN GRANDMAS EAR " TO INFINITY AND BEYOND! OVER AND OVER !

I DON'T THINK I REMEMBERED THE PART ABOUT JACK WAKING UP THE SAME TIME NO MATTER HOW LATE HE GOES TO BED!

***note to self*** Buzz won't be sleeping over next time!

SO, WE WEN'T BOWLING!

we picked up max so he could come too!

Hey Jack, why are you looking so tired?

Jace used the Green ball...

Jack got orange and then high- five'd Pa Pa Wade!

WE THINK WE HEARD MAX SAY "HEY WHAT ABOUT ME?"

THE SHOES WERE A LITTLE TOO SMALL FOR HIM!

HE DECIDED TO BREAK INTO HIS GQ POSE FOR THE CAMERA!

caliente

THE BOYS WERE INCREDIBLY PATIENT WHILE EACH TOOK THEIR TURN BOWLING

.

JACK ATE FRIES, MAX LET GRANDMA JENNY KISS ON HIM AND JACE, WELL HE JUST SNUCK DRINKS OF SODA WHILE PAPA WADE TOOK A TURN AT BOWLING.

BUT ONLY A SECONDS LATER...

JACK GOT BORED AND TIRED!

MAX WAS GETTING GROSSED OUT BY ALL THE KISSES,

DEAR, SWEET, JACE WAS HEADED FOR THE BIG MELTDOWN!

THE MOTHER OF ALL MELTDOWNS!!!

WE WERE OUT OF THERE LICKITY SPLIT!

GONE IN A FLASH!

WHAT A GREAT TIME WE HAD WITH OUR BOY'S

WE LOVE YOU JACE, JACK AND MAX!

Tonight I got my nails done! Yay, Yeah, Yea? How the crud do you spell that word that means that you are excited about something? I think I have been spelling it wrong for too long. My daughter in law Bri text me tonight and said " The lady at .....ing Nails say's hello". She was up getting her nails done for her vacation this weekend. A cruise to Mexico with her hubby Adam and with Cam and Jess. I told her that I have wanted to get mine done but haven't had time. When she said "come up" I was very tempted but then I glanced at the clock and saw that it was 6:40 and they close at 7. The owner agreed to do it if I came right then. I started to think of the consequences that might come for going in at closing time. I have gotten my nails done there for years since my friend Jill Wistisen skipped town to move South with her family to Happyville. Never to be seen again! You should be ashamed of yourself Jill leaving me to myself and these nailbeds! No one could replace her but sometimes we must move onward.

This new nail lady has amazing memory of who is related to who and every detail about your family. I really like her but must admit she hurts me sometimes! I have found myself taking a pain pill not for my Fibromyalgia but instead to go get my nails done. That little drill they use can be a killer! I swear my nailbeds catch on fire sometimes. I try to be brave but she notices and tells me to "rewax" and pushes my hand down. I have since realized "rewax" means relax. One time she got upset because after painting two nails I asked... "Excuse me but is there any way I could change colors? This looked really red in the bottle but looks orange on my nails". I thought she was going to kill me! This is what she said" What? You not like my color? ( except without the "L") She said it kind of loud too! People were looking up from their relaxing pedicures to see who she was talking loudly to. I came to the conclusion that day that if you don't like the color the Vietnamese lady is painting your nails, don't tell her! That was about three years ago and she has been extremely nice ever since.I was hoping tonight would be one of her gentle, happy nights. While waiting my turn she saw me gnawing at my nails and told me several times to stop biting my nails! I finally told her urgently that I wasn't but that I was trying to pull off my LEE PRESS ON nails that I bought at the store on Saturday. They were on clearance so I thought I would save a buck and give it a try. May I just say that super glue crap really works! She gave me the strangest look and then went about her work. I could tell she had no idea what I had just mumbled with my hands in my mouth trying to pry these pieces of plastic off my already sore nailbeds! There seems to be a communication gap between the two of us but we are both willing to play the game of nod and smile and pretend to know what each others saying. Briana was with me one time when I asked the same lady if we could get our nails done and she said "yea" followed by something that sounded like this...iuygbc uwghcb uedwb. Bri turned to me and said "what did she say?" Without turning my brain on first I said in my Vietnamese accent... "ya you chew coroar. Bri looked at me and suddenly my brain turned back on enough to tell my mouth that I had just spoke like I was making fun of her. I was only trying to say, that she said, that we could chose our color but it came out all wrong, so wrong! I believe my comment was something like "oh my H i can't believe I just did that!" Luckily, I don't believe the nail lady noticed. She might have been buzy burning nailbeds! Bri seems to have been there more then once when I have done that! It's that head turn and certain look that she gives me that alerts me that I have said something really stupid! I tend to pick up accents and actions when I talk to people. My southern accent, my Spanish accent, my English (as in England) accent and now Vietnamese. I don't mean any disrespect whatsoever, it's just how I roll.

My son had the kindest woman ever known to missionaries visit here from England. I was trying to tell her and her daughter what the options were for resturants around the area. As we stood in the parking lot, I had arms pointing each and every way with hands busy describing the food they had to offer (ex. cupping my hands to form a taco, placing my hand one over the other to describe buffet) meanwhile talking very SLOOOOW. I thought I was being helpful and a good host to someone new to our country. My son ( being the funny boy he is) leaned over to me and said "She's not deaf mom, She's English". I hope she has forgiven me!

Hmmm..... What have I learned from this? I have learned that I really like my nail lady at ......ing nails and although I could change to someone else that speaks English, I think that she does a really awesome job and it's so cool that she remembers my family! I learned that I love all accents ( I think they are cute, but I better take Bri everywhere I go so she can give me the " look and laugh" when I get even close to saying things in the wrong voice! I also learned that you should never use Super glue on anything that you don't want to stick on for a long time.

I had a really fun time and she was very gentle tonight. Thanks Bri for the invite, it was way more fun then watching "The Bachelor"

P.S. Nobody spoil it for me. I will watch it tomorrow after work!

Costco, toilet paper and labels!

Sometimes I hate going to Costco! Actually, I love going to Costco I just hate coming out of Costco! My daughter asked me to go with her today so she could use my Costco card. Probably not the best financial decision my spouse and I make through the year. Last year he signed us up for the "'The high class Costco member card". Big mistake for us! The deal was something like $100.00 for the card and you get a percentage back from what you spend there all year. I'm not really sure what the price was because he suddenly forgot when I asked him how much it cost to be "A gold member!" We didn't use our card much that year , as a matter of fact ,we never do any year but lets face it, you don't want to be known as the only one that is not a Costco member at our age. When I went to renew my card this year the guy at the desk talked me OUT of buying the expensive membership!! What? They never do that. His comment was " Mam, the card cost your husband like $100.00 but you only got rebated $1.36 from your purchases last year. I wouldn't recomend that you chose that plan again." Well duh! So in my head I figured out that it cost me $ 98.64 to carry a Costco card in my wallet!

Today, I went shopping and felt pretty good about myself. Jace and I circled around the store and tried every sample known to man. I lined up his samples in the cart so he would know what to eat next. There were like 15 demo people handing out stuff and it was great! I remember about ten years ago not sampling when I really wanted to, because I would feel guilty if I didn't purchase the product. These day's I use the grandson for bait!!! " Oh look Jace there's a cookie, would you like one? I think grandma will have one also." Then I would remind him to thank the nice lady as I scouted out the next demo!

Today I needed toilet paper and in order to purchase that you have to buy the package so large that you need a fork lift to help you carry it out. They confuse you with the packaging and prices also. Something like, 3Ply instead of 2Ply Now quadruple rolls which are now 180 rolls instead of 598 single rolls with 267 sheets per roll for a million dollars it seems. I am so confused I just grabbed it. Amber reminded me that we always run out of toilet paper. She might be right! I have asked other people if that happens to them and they tell me "they have never ran out of toilet paper". That's when I pretend we never run out either.

We have always been lucky enough to have a back up plan. The conversation would go something like this at our house...

"Will someone grab me some toilet paper?"

Everyone looks at everyone else to see who is going to go get it from the bathroom downstairs...

Person in the bathroom screams out "Please"

The person retrieving it comes back up stairs and talks into the crack of the bathroom door. "we don't have any but here are some napkins".

When we are out of toilet paper at out house we know to grab the napkins, when the napkins are gone you resort to the paper towels. When the paper towels are gone you are S.O.L. I don't think we have reached that point yet.

One time I was at my brother Ken's house in his upstairs bathroom. I reached over to get the toilet paper and there wasn't any. I then knew that there was probably some in the cupboard next to the toilet so I carefully reached over to open the cupboard to retrieve the paper without letting my bottom leave the seat. There wasn't any TP!!!! The family was down in the family room that was two floors down so I wasn't able to yell "Can you bring me some toilet paper"like I have done so many times before. Besides that would be humiliating and why wouldn't I have checked that before I sat down? So, being the problem solver that I am..... I looked around the room and saw that there was a white container with diaper wipes on the back of the toilet. My problem had been solved! If we use them on babies bums then why not ours right! I opened the lid and pulled, pulled, pulled until I had three wipes and then I finished the job. I went to wash my hands and within seconds I thought I felt a fire burning down south! This was something I had not experienced before! Something just did not feel right! I glanced over at the diaper wipes on the back of the toilet and now that I was standing up, I could clearly read the label MR. CLEAN WIPES!!!!!! OUCH The bald man with the gold earing and I had just met! From that day on, I always check for toilet paper when I need to potty and I have also noticed that the Mr. Clean Wipes are now labeled on all sides of the container. I'm thinking that someone else had the same problem!!!!

Menopause or skipping rope?

Last night while at a family party, I was talking to my sister-in law and my two nieces. Their first mistake was that they asked me how my daughter Kylee was doing in China. Their second mistake was to not run away before I went into my lengthy story! They should have escaped while they had the chance but they didn't so they became my victims of the night. You see, they are very nice people. The kind that don't roll their eyes when you are not looking or tap each other secretively ( we all know that that means "You run first and I will follow!" ) I know these signals, I have used them many times before. It's easiest when you are sitting at a table because then you can tap your spouse under the table and they automatically know it means (rap it up). I must admit there are times that I can't tap my husband making him aware that it's time to go because....he is the one telling the very, very long story! Then because I am not interested in the topic, my mind begins to wander and the ADD sets in. P.S. I have never been diagnosed with that except from my own self diagnosis.

Anyways, while we were gabbing about China, I began to sweat like a stuck pig! I have noticed that I never sweat from under the arms like normal people, instead it flows off my face like a waterfall for everyone to see. If you close your eyes it can be quite relaxing just listening to the water trickeling off my nose and chins.I tried to casually wipe it from my face but at one point I could no longer keep up with the flow. Because they are the nice family that they are, they don't say a thing or even lead on that they notice, but of course someone else DID! ( Enter from side stage left) is my eternal companion.. "What the crap Jen, why are you sweating so bad?" I believe were the words said. Does he not know that if I knew why I was sweating so bad I would fix it! I told him I had been jumping rope ( we all new that was a lie). I said It's called premenopause! Obviously something he will never have to deal with. Needless to say, getting old is sucky and anyone that claims the 40's are the best years of their life are LYING straight to your face!!!!!

Friends, Sisters and Sleepovers!!!!!

"Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have her nonsense respected." - Charles Lamb

I have been very blessed to have great friends in life! It just so happens that it is one of my two best friends birthday today!!!!! I call her my sleeping buddy... Ya know, we have slept in the same bed many times ( not in a weird kind of way). More like sisters do. Boy's can't do that, only girls! We have traveled together many times before on vacation or to dance competitions etc. Sometimes there is only one bed so you make due with what you have. We have suddenly bursted out to the hotel clerk that was staring at us one time after checking in " Just in case you are wondering we aren't lesbians. Our daughters are in a dance competition together. " He looked like a deer in headlights replying to us" Oh, I wasn't thinking that!" We knew he was by the way he was looking and trying to figure who was the masculine and and who was the feminine one in the relationship. We always leave debating with each other which one is the "guy". Although we may have slept in the same bed, I've never asked her to tickle my back or anything like me and my sister did when we were trying to get to sleep, but I know if I really needed her to she would. However, she would demand that she gets tickled first because she knows of my past history. I told her about me and my sister when we were little, making the deal to tickle each others backs while trying to fall asleep. The deal was that you had to tickle the others back while a whole song played on the radio, from start to finish. I think it might have been around the Bread, Helen Reddy or Seals and Crofts era. My sister would always want to tickle mine first, that way she would get the job done and then reap the benefits of being tickled last and then would be so relaxed, she would easily drift off into dream land. She never told me that was the reason but, I was onto her and little did she know I had an even better plan. We would lay face down and pull our silk nightgowns all the way up to the top of our shoulders, so high your shoulder blades would poke out. That way the tickler wouldn't just tickle in one spot. We would wait until the very second that a new song came on and it was heaven! My sister always had long nails so it felt really, really relaxing! Mind you, I bit my nails my whole life so what she got in return was nubby little fingers without nails except for the occasional one that had such a jagged edge that seemed to rip through the flesh on her back when I wasn't paying attention. After one time through of tickling each others, back we wouldn't be asleep yet so round two began. My sister, being the dutiful sister that she was, continued to stay focused at the task at hand while thinking about how relaxing it would be for her to get the final tickle and then be able to call it quits. The third song would always come to an end and you could feel the bed bounce when my sister would quickly flop on her stomach pulling up the back of her nightgown and saying "your turn" all in a split second because she didn't want to miss any of the song. After 10 seconds with no response from me, her next comment would be "Jen, Jen, (pause, pause, pause) Jennifer, Jennnnnniferrrrr! She would roll back over and tap me, tap me harder, then harder again followed by a little shake until she would finally give up and go to sleep. I had pretended to be asleep and was feeling the relaxing benefits of being the last one tickled, knowing I would not have to tickle back... at least for tonight! I beat her at her own game!!! Why, my sister fell for the ... I'm asleep trick i'm not sure. She fell for it sooo many times that I don't ever remember giving her that second round of back tickles she so deserved. Maybe, she let me off the hook because I was her little sister and she loved me or maybe it was because my hangnail never felt that good on her back anyways! Whatever the reason, people would fall victim to my antics for years to come at sleepovers. My best friend growing up,Tauni, would fall everytime for the same trick when I slept over at her house. One, two, three songs into it and sure enough she would fall victim to me. Maybe that is why she started inviting the girl across the street for a sleepovers sometimes and not me! Me and this other little girl never liked each other. Maybe partly because she threw raw hamburger on my bedroom window and I got her back by throwing stewed tomatoes back on hers! ( suggested and supplied by my mother, I might add!) I would be in my own bed wondering if they were having fun without me. If they were playing the tickle back game and "IF" they were, was Tauni tricking "the new friend" like I did her or playing fair and square!

That is why my friend today would never play that with me because she has heard my stories! Besides it would be a little freaky I'm guessing at our age. I no longer wear satin pajamas and given in to sweats and oversized T-shirts. I'm not big into people seeing my back fat these days! Times have changed, I'm not the ten year old girl anymore who never gave it a second thought of what her back might look like. Now the experience would be different. It would be more like taking your fingers going on a rollercoaster ride ( backrolls) and you could etch your initials on my back from the dry skin. It's just not the same!

However, my friend has always had my back and hopefully she knows that I have hers! The first time I slept next to my friend was at her husbands aunts house on our way to Country Jam. I thought I was going to die sleeping in the same bed. I think I stayed awake most the night in fear that I would by accident touch her with my foot or pass gas or snore or worst of all.... touch my bum with hers because it was a small bed and we were turned away from each other. Luckily, I don't think any of that happened that night. Now, she is such a great friend and we have traveled so much with each other that I would warn her if I felt a little "fluffer" coming on and if I scooted past the middle line on the bed while asleep she would kick my butt back over!

I have learned that true friends in life are like sisters. They humor you when you are not even funny. They pick you up when you fall ( and I do mean literally! My one hand was busy holding my mug of diet coke the other hand had my daughters newly won dancing trophy in it. I tripped and fell to the ground. I saved the mug of diet coke but the trophy didn't survive. Sorry Kylee!) Meanwhile my friends and Royann and Konadee are laughing so hard they're in tears while I am feeling the blood rush from my knee caps through my levi's, listening to my daughter scream " my trophy, my trophy"you broke my trophy! But hey I didn't spill a drop of my diet coke! My daughter stormed off rightfully so.... But my friends were there to pick me up!) They forgive you when you can't even forgive yourself. They cry when you are hurt. They close their eyes when your faults can be clearly seen.

I've learned that with life as crazy busy as it gets, a good friend can pick up exactly where your last conversation stopped. I am very, very blessed with two very close friends in my life that are like sisters to me. I am so blessed with my "growing up friend" that will always be a sister no matter how much I don't get to ever see her. I am blessed with friends that have moved away or that I don't ever see anymore but I have so many memories of fun times with them! Lot's of laughs! I have a sister that lives far away that I consider my best friend! When you move back I will tickle your back and you can still be first and I promise that I will not fake asleep this time. However, you might check my pulse if I don't respond because I am getting older! Love you Sis!

To my Birthday friend Royann, I love you and I hope you have a great birthday! Remember it's your birthday! If you want a "backrub" you deserve just that! Sorry Scotty Boy, your birthday is in August!

A lot of hilariously funny, freakish things happen in my life, i'm not really sure why it happens to me. Sometimes I think, that dumb things only happen to dumb people, but then that would put me in the dumb category and for today , I am steering away from that. Tomorrow I might be back to dumb and feel good about it. You see "dumb" to me is like the same as using the word funny, silly, crazy, it's a term of endearment in my ears. Growing up in a great family with one sister and two brothers and a calm father and an over the top funny mother I experienced many occasions the name calling of " dumb, nerd, twit, dork, spaz. When saying something funny in my family someone would always back it up with a laugh and a side to side shake of the head followed with a compliment like "you're such a dork!" That's when you knew they loved you and it gave you warm fuzzies inside! Therefore, I have passed this on to my children with great pride. No one gets hurt unless you don't laugh while saying it. I sometimes have to remind my now grown up daughter that it is a term of endearment and that I am only joking. She quickly reminds me that "jokes are meant to be funny". I think there might be a possibility that she doesn't find me as funny anymore! What do you want to bet, that she passes it on to her children! I stopped writing a journal years ago and have regretted it many times. The new thing ( I hear on the streets ) is blogging . I might be the the "dumbest" person known to man when it comes to computer stuff but I am going to give it a try. I tried to warn our computer guy at work that he was dealing with a real live dumb, dumb when it came to this kind of stuff and he would always say to me"no you're not, you should see what I have to work with ". Fast forward a year later and I still warn him but now instead of him saying "no you're not" he just smiles.

So what did I learn today? I learned that I was capable of setting up a blog and even though it may not be all cute and fancy I tried and I succeeded!