Hosta La Vista Baby!!!

I am an animal lover, I really am, but there is a limit!!!! I have reached that breaking point!

Today is my second day, no, actually my third day of cleaning the garage. Three days really is a long time to clean the garage for the normal person but I never claimed to be normal and neither is my unorganized garage. I will get into why it has taken me so long another time. For now I want to vent about MICE!!!!

I hate them, I used to like them, well not really, really like them it's just that I didn't really hate them! Now I hate them bad enough to add them to my hate list along with crows!!!

Today I was moving cabinets in the back storage room to another part of the garage. When I unscrewed the cabinet from the wall I about choked!!! Actually I did choke and gag and dry heave. I saw mouse poop everywhere and I couldn't stop dry heaving and heaving and heaving. I have a big gagger and anytime I picture things like snot or poop or throw up or spit I start to dry heave. Sometimes it even turns into puke. I can't help it, it's the way I roll! I could never be a nurse. I would be wrenching the whole shift!

Back to the story.... as I was saying...I haven't always hated mice, I used to be nice to mice.

When we were first married we moved into this house and quickly found out it had mice everywhere! It really freaked me out and couldn't live amongst them but I just couldn't think about killing something that was that little and cute. But they needed to go.

I asked my husband if he would be willing to just catch them for me and then we would release them into the mountains.

Because we were newlyweds and all that goes with that bliss he agreed to my plan. These days he would tell me I was off my rocker!!!

I can't remember how our method worked exactly but I do remember he was fast as lightning and quieter then the mouse because he caught like 20 with only a mason jar and his quick feet running lickity split up and down the stairs in his undies trying to catch them. Something about it was kind of "HOT" thinking that he would be so willing to do this for me.

My assignment was the lid opener and closer! Not a big job but it was important. Besides I had a seven month old baby and was pregnant with another one that was due in 4 months. If I was going to do any running it should have been away from my spouse five months ago not up and down the stairs trying to catch mice.

Anyways, back to the story...my job was to be in charge of opening the lid of a big garbage can while he would dump the mouse in and then I would shut it real fast! Those little critters would d try to jump out but I didn't let them. I was good at my job and he was great at his!!! Every morning on his way to work, he would run them to the mountains to set them free. That night we would start our adventure again! It took us about a week to get rid of them all but didn't lose one mouse life in the process however he might have twisted his ankle a few times and of course I supported him by laughing my gutts out!!

I don't know any other man that would have been willing to do that for their wife. It was very cute, adorably cute as a matter of fact and I will always remember that funny time in our lives.

Times have changed and so has my compassion level for little beedie eyed rodents!!!

We now live by a field and have always felt lucky that we haven't really had too many problems with mice. Probably three or four times in 25 years. Not so bad, however we have had our fair share.

One year we kept getting mice a lot. i couldn't figure out why...

I found out recently that Kylee and her friend Whitney used to take cake mixes up in the attic of the garage. They were about six years old and figured if the attic was as hot as an oven then it must be hot enough to bake a cake. They told me that they would mix the cake and leave it in the cake pans, in the attic, checking on it every day to see if it was done yet. After several days of not baking they just left it there!!!! That helps explain the mouse problem and the missing cake pans that year! The cake must still be up there because I have not brought it down.

It only took me months to figure out that putting the dog kennel back in the corner of our yard next to the field then leaving great big bowls of dog food and fresh water every day was just a huge invitation for a mouse fest. Followed by leaving more dog food and water next to the house for when the dog wasn't in the kennel. I can hear those pesky little varmints now saying ...

" Hey let's go to that house over there. They will leave food out every twenty feet, they don't kill mice they just put them in Mason jars and there's even dessert in the attic!!!!

I begged my husband for a cat.... I'm not that crazy about cats but we needed one.. to catch the mice! The first one that we rescued from the pound was named KIKI... Beautiful gray cat but I think it was crazy in the head!!! It would jump all the way up to the very top of the doors so it could lay there. She would paw the top of your head when you would walk down the hall. It was startling for friends that stopped by when something would paw at their head. It's not every day that you have to look " up" for cats sitting on top of doors.

There was one night where we were in bed watching Conan or something. Wade had just fallen asleep when Kiki came running in our room, jumped up on our bed and used my husbands forehead for a spring board landing her up on the top of the curtain rod!!! Because Wade had just started nodding off so her timing was perfect. Wade leaped out of bed and said " what the hell was that?" I was laughing so hard I couldn't answer I just continued to laugh. He then said in a more irritated voice "Jen what was that?" I just pointed to the cat sitting on top of the curtains. I couldn't get enough air to make words because I was laughing so hard. His reply was "dumb ass cat!!!" He laid back down and was asleep within 10 seconds. Narcoleptic husbands don't take too long to fall asleep even when they have claw scratches on their forehead!!! She didn't have front claws but her back claws got him pretty good as she pushed off from his face to achieve distance!!!!! KiKi if you were a gymnist that night I would have given you a perfect 10.

I think he was kind of relieved that it wasn't his wife that took a swipe at his face while he was sleeping!

Kiki was found dead across the street a month later! No mice caught, no more Kiki but a lot of laughs! The dang neighbor girl let her out the front door as she was humoring us with the " whoops sorry" bit. She wasn't sorry!!!!

Phoebe (named by Amber and her huge love for "Friends" ) was also rescued from the pound. She is the nicest, sweetest cat ever known to walk the earth. She has changed my mind on how I feel about cats. I love her!!! Although I must say she came with baggage also. Ya see, she likes to have her YOOHOO rubbed. I guess that is what it is, I have never really looked. I just know it is down there and it is surrounded by a gob of fat on her belly. When she jumps up on me I tell her "No, phoebe I'm not rubbing your yoohoo" and I push her off of me. Sometimes I am willing to massage her fat!

Friends have fallen victim to her. I try to get her to not jump onto people when they are here but they always say " oh I don't mind , I like cats" I want to say "okay then , but I'm warning you that she will be loving you in a moment and then you will mind. I don't say another word but within moments she has them where she wants them. I can tell by the look in her eyes!!! Her eyes go kind of cross eyed like she is heavily drugged. Seconds later the visitor is pushing her off their lap.

Phoebe is a lover not a fighter! She doesn't go after mice until they are almost dead. She lets the D'con do the hard work. She waits until they are down to their last breath and then pounces on them. I saw her do it once and I dang near died from the scene. I have found two mice with their butts bit off and she leaves their heads. It makes me dry heave!!!!! A lot!!!!! Out of control dry heaving I might add!

About ten years ago I was creeped out big time because I could hear a mouse at night. I set mouse traps every night with lovely H'orderves of cheese, then cheese and crackers then peanut butter then peanut butter on a cracker. I knew mice liked cheese because Tom would always set cheese out for Jerry. I loved Tom and Jerry when I was a little girl and I still do.

Night after night I would set the traps to only wake up in the morning to an sprung, empty trap with the food gone!! This nonsense went on for a week. Our bedroom is downstairs and I could hear its annoying little feet in the middle of the night and it would make my skin crawl. Of course my husband didn't hear a thing. That is when narcolepsy cames in handy! I thought I was seriously going to go insane if I heard it one more night!

I made a plan!!!

I set the trap, I was smart, I sat very, very quiet for 6 hours in a chair in the kitchen waiting for this mouse to come out so I could see how it was getting the food without getting twanged in the head with the trap. I never got up, I didn't go to the bathroom, I didn't move unless I had a cramp from sitting too long. No t.v. no magazine, nothing but staring at the trap for 6 hours. Finally at about 4:30 in the morning I saw it!!!!!!

It was a freaking rat!!!! A small rat but still a rat! I about pee'd myself!!! It freaked me out but I wasn't willing to give up on my mission so I continued to sit on the chair not even lifting my feet. I was disgusted with the idea that a rat was in my house, not just a little squeaky mouse but a RAT!!!! Rats live in the slums, in the projects, in New York City not in the W.B.

I watched it stroll over to the trap, spring it and eat the food casually as if it was nothing. It almost seemed as if to laugh and say " you guys are dummies, I will see you tomorrow night"as it walked off. When I saw that the coast was clear I B lined it straight down stairs freaked out and wanting to tell Wade what I saw.

That day I went to buy a BIGGER trap. Not just anyone sells RAT traps ya know. I had to go to the WESTERN country type stores. I was embarrassed to tell the guy I had a rat. He didn't seem to care much after I tried to make it clear that I wasn't a filthy person but it was because of the field behind my house.

I brought home the glue type rat trap. The thought of a regular trap clenching down on some fat rat neck just grossed me out!!! It felt inhumane to me.

The glue trap is easy ... you open it and put a few peanuts in the middle than place it on the floor. You have to be very careful not to touch the trap because you will get glue on you and it doesn't come off easy at all.

The idea is that the rat will walk over to it to get the yummy peanut that's way in the middle of the trap. It will then force the rat to walk across the trap to get to the bait but instead his foot will stick to the trap and therefore can not get the peanut nor can it escape. Problem solved!!

I can't remember all the exact details so I hope I get it right. My friend Jill Wistisen reminded me of some of the facts. I remember setting the trap that night, peanuts and all. I bought the salted ones even!

I went to bed.

Wade woke up around 5:00 a.m. to go to the gym with Jill's husband Kevin. I remember asking him if we caught the rat yet. He told me that we hadn't and left for the gym. I went back to sleep.

I suddenly was awakened by a really loud noise!!!! I ran to the top of the stairs and there was the "large mouse" with his foot stuck in the trap. The noise was from him smacking the trap on the floor trying to get it off his foot. I was excited but very freaked out at the same time. I kind of felt a little sorry for him too.

I never thought about what I was supposed to do at this point. I didn't have a plan and the instructions didn't say anything but the peanut placing part.

The rat then put the other front foot in, so now they were both stuck. You could see he was getting pissed!!! He then tried to get his foot out by putting his nose in and it got stuck! Then all HELL broke loose!!! He was pissed and wanted out so he started flopping his body all over my kitchen. Sticky glue was getting everywhere. He would breath a few seconds then flop again, and again, and again....There was glue everywhere!!!!! I was really hoping he didn't get out cause he was really, really mad and he would have eaten me at this point!!!!

Wade was at the gym and of course there is no way I could get a hold of him.... I can't remember how I got him to come home fast or even if he did. I will have to ask Jill for the details. All I remember is I had four young kids asleep, a very upset rat and glue( like tar) from one end of the kitchen to the other.

Wade did eventually get home and we both stood there like total idiots wondering what to do with a rat that was stuck but still alive!!!!! Now I wished I had gotten the instant killer trap instead!!!

We had decided that it was too cruel to just leave it somewhere (maybe the mountains) to suffer. We couldn't do that even if it was a rat. It wasn't humane.

He scooped it up with a shovel and put it in the back of the truck and took it somewhere. I didn't want details of what he had to do. I just wanted to think that it went BYE, BYE and that's all I needed to know.

It took me hours and lots of S.O.S. pads to get the glue off the floor. My husband was my hero again but I didn't find it so "hot" this time. More like really gross and unfortunate that the rat wouldn't just leave on his own.

So the moral of this long story is.... I hate mice, rats or any other rodent besides the ones that run on big wheels in a cage and are cute with names like furball, fluff and Hammy.

If they stay outside where they belong and don't come in my house I'm fine with that. But after today when I moved the cabinets in the garage and saw that they left me their treasures, all deals are off!!!

Tomorrow I am going to the store to buy..... not Mason jars, not a cat, no D'con, for sure not a glue trap, but the biggest baddest bag of mouse traps I can find....and I will feel no remorse about it!!!! Hasta la vista baby!!!

But i probably will feel remorse... so please pack your bags and get out while you still can!!!

*** I would like to add that having a rat in my house should have no reflection on my house keeping skills or acting like a bunch of hillbillies!!!! After talking to the neighbors that also live by the field, they have confessed that they have had unwelcomed guests also. We have discussed it and have come to the conclusion that the other residents that replied by saying "Ew no, gross we have never had one"

are just telling fibs to protect themselves. Some neighbors have said that they removed them from this world with blow darts!!!! I think I won't be trying that anytime soon!