Amber was a bit nervous about taking this road trip this past week. The memories of what we saw and experienced only 7 months ago were still too real and she hadn't been past that spot since. I reassured her that we would be alright and that nothing would happen to us. I remember the frightening thoughts that I would get when the kids were little and we would travel. Every day travel was fine in my mind but doing something out of the ordinary spooked me really bad. I loved them so much, the thoughts racing through my mind of something happening scared me so bad I sometimes did not want to make the trip. As a family growing up my parents would always have a prayer that we would travel in safety and arrive to our destination without any harm. That is something we continued to do with our children anytime we would leave for a family vacation we would say a prayer of safety. Now that my daughter is a mother,I felt a warm, peaceful feeling when my daughter asked for a family prayer at the beginning of this drive. I was happy to see that it was important for her to ask for extra help also and that he would listen to her. Watching her three year old son with his head bowed and arms folded made me feel even more watched over.
Several hours into the trip we came to a place that was in the middle of nowhere. It looked familiar and the small details came rushing back to me. The slope of the ground, the distance between the North and South lanes and the fact that there was nothing around for miles. Mile marker 66 was coming up and I sensed my daughter wasn't doing so well sitting in the front seat. While it feels good to me to talk about it, she tends to hold the emotions in, becoming very quiet. I wanted to stop for just a moment but it isn't a safe place on the freeway and I can tell that the connection or needs are not the same for others that weren't there that day. Maybe they weren't supposed to be there but we were and still to this day I am not sure how I feel about it. I sometimes question whether I would make the same choice I did that day or not. I would hope I would.
Seven months ago Amber and I had traveled to St. George with some friends Royann, Whitney and Candace. Amber and I had to drive down later then the others because of a family commitment. We could only stay for the girl trip for two nights but still needed to get away to have some girl time! I wanted to stop on the way home to look for some pajamas for my grandsons. I knew I was holding them up from heading back to Bountiful so we told them to go ahead and that we would catch up. After shopping Amber asked me if I would mind driving, she isn't so crazy about it. I like driving long distances so I obliged. It was a good time with her, no sharing, long talks, no drama and lots of laughs. It was a beautiful day and was about three in the afternoon. We had passed Cedar City quite a ways back and had been coming around this curve when I saw a semi truck a ways ahead of me tap his brakes. The lights were flashing on and off on the top of his cab. There was only one car between him and I and I instantly told Amber that something was happening up ahead. I don't know why I felt that I just did by the way the lights were going on and off. No clue why. We immediatly slowed down and continued to drive ahead when we noticed the semi driver had jumped from the cab of his truck and was standing in the middle of the road waving frantically to get traffic over to the right shoulder of the freeway. I told Amber that I thought that it looked like a motorhome had rolled seconds before we had gotten there. I pulled over onto the right shoulder and instantly saw a person lying in the lane of the freeway face up. That is when I knew why the truck driver ( the only one there) was trying to get people to change lanes. I instantly knew that very second that we instantly had to pull over and help. There wasn't a choice. I pulled to the right side into the grass and Amber said she would stay in the car. Knowing what I do now I am so glad that she did. I ran across the freeway to the lady in the left lane. She was laying face up and there was a boy in a cowboy hat on my right and another young man about my sons age with a phone up to his ear on my left. That's the only description I remember of them at this point. I knelt down besides the girl and felt for a pulse in her wrist but could not find one. I then reached to the side of her neck and could feel a very faint pulse. Her eyes were open but she would not respond to me when trying to talk to her. I worried at that point because it seemed to me that her eyes were beginning to fixate and there was blood in her mouth and coming from her nose. I knew what I needed to do if there was any chance of helping her. I tilted her head back lifting it from the forehead knowing that I needed to open her airways. I asked the cowboy if he would do compressions so I could do the rescue breaths. He said that he was not sure how to. I told him that I would help him through it.He immediatly said yes and straddled her body and placed his hands. He asked me how many compressions and I told him. I think that he had been trained before somewhere because he placed his hands in the right spot. I only had to remind him to slow down a small bit and we started counting together to get the correct rhythm. I remember looking around as we were counting and seeing that a few more people had stopped and were running down in the field. I remember saying out loud where are the emergency responders??? I couldn't figure out where they were and it felt like it had been eternity even though it hadn't. I tried to swipe some of the blood out of the girls mouth and I pushed her nostril closed so the air wouldn't escape. I wasn't sure what to do at that point because when I was trained they never said what to do with so much blood was involved. I only knew when someone was drowning or chocking situations what I was supposed to do. The guy with the phone asked if I would talk to 911 because he felt like I would understand them better. I thought at that time he meant that I could understand the CPR instructions better. Later I would find out he meant something differently. It was a woman dispatcher and she asked me if I was a nurse and my reply was "No mam, I am a teacher but I am trained in CPR". I told her I was scared and asked her to stay on the phone with me. She reassured me that she would! She started by telling the first steps of CPR and I told her that we had already started the compressions. She seemed pleased that it had already gotten that far. I told her about the vitals not being found in the arm but a faint one was located in the neck, the blood in the nose and mouth, and the fixation of the eyes and that they were beginning to get glassy. I told her that before I had taken the phone that I had closed her nostrils to give her air in her mouth and that I knew by the feeling of her nose that it must have been shattered and possibly that was where the blood was coming from. I told the dispatcher that I was afraid to breath into the mouth without any protection because I knew what the lifetime consequences could be. She told me " you are the only one that can make that choice" I didn't have time to reason and annalyze the crap out of my decision... like I always do! It is truly amazing how fast you brain thinks in situations such as this. I thought about if she was already gone because of her eyes being fixated then should I do rescue breaths knowing that I would be contaminated with someone else's blood and face a possible life threatening disease for the rest of my life. I then thought to myself that she couldn't be dead because I knew that I felt a faint pulse in her neck. I then remember the moment when I ran up and saw her face, that I thought she was around 26 years old. It would be like someone else not helping one of my children because of fear alone. Then I thought of when he was doing compressions I could see the skin on her tummy and I had had the brief realization that she had carried a baby before and that would mean that she is a young mommy with a small child somewhere. At that moment it gave me the answer, that I didn't have a choice and that is exactly what I told the dispatcher over the phone. "I don't have a choice" I knelt down and remember the corner of my mouth touching hers. I had my face tilted towards her chest to make sure that when I gave the breath the chest would rise. I know now that what you can practice on a dummy in a class is different then it would have been that day. I would have needed to readjust and let the cowboy tell me if the chest was rising.I remember the blood touching mostly my cheek and the corner of my mouth. That very, very , very split second a lady had ran across the road yelling "I am a nurse, I am a nurse! I swear to this day that she looked like a stinking angel and that she couldn't have come one second earlier or one second later then she did. I think it was about me having to make a choice at that moment. The dispatcher told me that she can take over. I moved to the side and just then related to the nurse what we had found as far a vitals. Someone tapped me on the left shoulder and it was this couple that handed me a plastic bag with gloves and an air shield in it. She was so sorry that she couldn't offer more help but I told her that she had helped in more ways then she knew. We needed that mask for contamination purposes so badly. The couple had taken a CPR course before and had been instructed to keep emergency kits in their trunk at all times. Great idea!!! I gave the gloves to the nurse thinking that she would want to protect herself but she said it was okay she didn't need them. I opened the mouth shield and handed it to her but when she went to breath through it it wouldn't let the air pass into the girl. I remember her tossing it to the ground and swiping the girls mouth again and I knew that the air was now going in because the girls chest expanded. I relayed the information to dispatch. The nurse then asked the cowboy guy to not straddle her but to instead do compressions from the side. The nurse then voiced her concern wondering where the emergency help was. The dispatcher relayed to me that the ETA was only about a minute and that they had a long way to travel from. I was putting on the set of gloves and trying to wipe the blood off my face and just then the first EMT arrived. A driver and a passenger. The passenger was a lady and she hoped out of the cab and walked over to me and said we have 14 victims and two echos! I think that she assumed I knew what she was talking about because I was wearing gloves! I actually knew what she was talking about from watching to many emergency, hospital, and cop shows!!!
This was the first time that I really had a chance to see what had happened....It was a bus that was laying on its top. Wheels up, luggage and debris everywhere! The words that she had just said to me was shocking me now! 14 victims and two dead. I could see people on the round scattered throughout the North and Southbound lanes. The girl that I had helped for 8 minutes before the first responder could arrive had been ejected from the bus window and thrown at least 60 feet onto the freeway. For the first time I could hear loud screaming from one of the victims. The only one I saw sitting up, down by the Southbound lanes of I15. There were about 3 people around her trying to help. Someone was on the South side of the bus standing over another thrown victim. As I and the lady first responder stood at the head of the bus which was upside down and facing East I noticed that the rest of the scene was eerily quiet. A horrible sound to hear no sound at all. I remember that this could not be real in any possible way. I felt like I was at some kind of mock emergency training or something. At that point, I walked back toward the lady in the road but the nurse met me half way. She put her arm around me and said we did our best but most likely she had broke her neck when ejected and she told me the pulse that I had found was probably the blood pumping mildly because it was in the neck. Because it is the closest to the heart it would be the last place to feel a pulse. That is why I couldn't find one in her wrist. I think I remember her saying you go this way and I will go that way. I'm not sure why other then her saying that why I continued to look for the next person. I can't remember my thoughts right then. I just remember running down the slope to the back of the bus. This bus resembles the kind of bus that you see the elderly ride from the rest homes to go to the grocery stores. They have the wide long windows and hold around 15 passengers. I came around the end of the bus and there were three people laying on the ground. One man, that I thought was around 50-55 and two girls that looked in their twenties who looked like they could be twins. I bent down to help the first man and he was groaning in pain a lot and holding his shoulder. I told him to lay still and that help was on the way. I found myself picking the burrs from the field off his forehead and from his hair. He had salt and pepper colored hair.I asked him if he hurt any where else but his shoulder. He said something back to me that I clearly did not understand. Why I did not figure this out earlier is beyond me but I suddenly seemed to click my brain on and realize that the woman in the road, the person handing me the phone because the dispatcher would understand me better, the man at the back of the bus and the two girls laying in the field beside him where clearly not Americans nor could they speak any English ( except for the phone guy). I looked up and the phone guy was pacing back and forth and I said to him. Are they Korean? Why I asked that I am not sure either but he said no they are Japanese. Once again NOTHING and I do mean NOTHING in this whole situation felt real! I am in the middle of I15 with 14 Japanese tourists thrown from the windows of a bus that has crashed and I am trying to save lives when all I really know is CPR from eleven years of required training from the school district. Had I really known I would use it someday I would have asked more questions and paid closer attention!!! Knowing that I couldn't get this man to understand me I just held up one finger meaning one minute and I will be back. I had to guess at that point that his injuries were from possibly a dislocated shoulder and was hoping it was not internal injuries of some sort or a heart attack. I did know that he was alert and talking and that was a great sign at this point. I moved quickly to one of the girls that had also been thrown or crawled out the the window. I was really worried for her. She was barely moaning and holding her stomach. I couldn't get to her easily because she had landed on the ground with the man and other girl beside her landing on top. I knew better then to move her at all to get to her.Her head also was the closest to the bus where the other victims head were pointed away from the van. The next girl was my most concern. By this time a tall man who stopped to help was working his way around the back side of the bus and another ambulance drove up finally. I saw them rush down to the girl down in the field. The only one sitting up and the only one yelling even then it was a milder screaming then I would have expected. I moved over to the next victim and begged her to lay still. She kept moaning and holding her stomach like the other girl but the difference was she was trying to sit up. I could just tell that she had internal injuries by the way she was squirming. I suddenly could hear the tall man talking to someone in the bus. Someone had been trapped in there and was hanging upside down and couldn't get out. I couldn't leave the girl I was helping so all we could do is keep the girl in the bus talking. I told the tall man "keep talking to her, just keep talking" Why I had said that I have no idea either. That way we knew that she was alive. It broke my heart to see these people laying in the weeds and I just couldn't imagine for even a second being in a foreign country and having something so horrible happen to you. I would just want to be near my family. The thoughts of not being able to get to my children made my heart wrench in a way I can't even describe. The girl on the ground kept trying to lift so I turned around and asked the guy with the phone how you say lay still. I remember it was three words but I can't remember what they are now. The tall guy and I just kept repeating them over and over. I think that the girl I was with, was in shock. She would not lay still.She kept trying to lift up. I remember looking around and becoming frustrated, almost angry in my mind thinking I can't do this where is the help. I remember looking up at the road and seeing cars drive past the wreck and thinking to myself why the hell aren't they stopping. I only felt that overwhelmed feeling for a moment luckily and do understand now the many reasons why people don't always stop to help. Luckily I didn't even have much of an opportunity to think about anything but what needed to happen next. All I could think to do at that point is to lay down next to her and do what you would do to a baby to try to settle her down. I laid my head down next to her so our cheeks were touching and just started whispering in her ear SHH,SHH,SHH,Shh. I couldn't hold her , I couldn't tell her she would be okay. I couldn't even grab her hand because of the position she was in. I didn't know what else to do but be a mom and try to calm her. It makes me wonder to this day if that is something all mothers do around the world. That sweet young woman settled right down. I believe it was only a few minutes later when the first EMT lady that came to the scene reappeared and asked me what the situation was with the three. I told her about the shoulder man, the girl and then the one I was with and how she was really struggling with the stomach issues. She bent down and pressed lightly on her stomach. She asked the tall man about the girl still trapped in the bus. That's when the head lady yelled out really loud.! "Where's my fire?" Someone responded that they were almost there. Minutes later all these firemen came running up to the bus and the head lady started yelling out who was to go first as she was pointing to them. 1,2,3,4,5,6, and on. It was amazing to see how she had assessed the scene and orchestrated what was to happen next. My girl was going first and I was happy for her! I was still laying down in the weeds next to her when a fireman told me that I needed to move over. I felt at that time a little embarrassed and quickly moved out of the way. I knew that they were in good hands. I got up to move on and he said "no, I need you to move back over here, you need to hold her head for me. I held her head tight while he put the neck brace on, then he said on the count of three slide the board under her and then he asked me to strap her and he ran off to get more boards. I looked at the tall man and he looked at me and we both just kind of mumbled how do we do that? Between the two of us we figured out that the velcro straps went through the slots and then back again. I guess we passed the test because they took her that way. After that more firemen came and more EMT's. I could clearly see that there were finally enough professionals there. I got out of the way and I could see the fireman rush with a big saw towards the bus. Normally I would have wanted to watch from the sidelines but this time I didn't want to. I felt for some reason that I just needed to get out of the way. I walked to another person that was laying face down in the weeds. He had clearly been the first one ejected from the bus. I could tell it was a young man from the clothing and the shoes. I was thinking maybe in his twenties.I saw cameras, journals , luggage scattered everywhere. I wondered to myself how all the personal belongings would get back to the families of the deceased. He died and it really bothered me that he was just laying there with no one around him in a field. I then thought of Amber waiting in the car the whole time. It had been so crazy that I had lost track of all time. I went back over to the north side of the bus towards where I had left the car. One of the EMT's asked me if I could come over and hold the oxygen on one man that had been already placed on that bed with wheels thingy that they put in the ambulance. He told me that the man was not severe so he was not the priority to go for quite a while. Ambulances were still on their way. I remember earlier while I was over by the girls the "tall man" yelling why can't life flight get here? The answer was that it would take them 1 1/2 hours to transport to the hospital per patient and there was not enough time. I also found out later that it took over one hour for us to get the firemen and the last ambulance there to be able to take over for us. Fourteen ambulances. They told us that we were in the worst location ever for this accident to have happened because all of the surrounding towns did not have the ambulances or staff for that kind of an emergency. Clearly the wrong place at the wrong time for these people. They were clearly doing their best working with what they had. I met an incredible Japanese young man that night while holding his oxygen mask. He knew some English so we talked while he waited his turn to leave for the hospital. He was really concerned where his wife was. She had been on the trip with him. I think he told me they had been married only a year. The first thing I thought of was the young woman who died and I was afraid that it was her. My heart broke for him and I all I could do is say I bet she will be just fine. I started asking him questions, his name, if he has any children, where were they going, did he know what happened?
I need to try to talk to Kylee on skype from China right now. I will finish my story tomorrow. Good night!
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